Friday, October 2, 2009

General Conference Predictions

As Fall General Conference nears, electricity is in the air, at least in Utah. And I'm not just referring to yesterday's lightening storm. I've heard a lot of speculation from neighbors (in Utah, Wards and neighborhoods are synonymous) about what's going to be covered in GC this Sunday, so I thought I'd throw out my own predictions. You can judge for yourselves how inspired I am, and add any of your own predictions.

  • The Brethren will finally decide that reading scripts from teleprompters make the talks feel robotic and cold. They'll ditch the comfort of scrolling words in favor of warmth and sincerity.
  • A Sister will be allowed to say a closing prayer at one of the four sessions. I'd hope for an opening prayer, but small steps...
  • One speaker will slip up and refer to gathering in The Great and Spacious Building, when they meant to say The Conference Center
  • A Sister leading the MoTab Choir during a normal session. Nearly all of the Ward Choristers I've ever seen have been Sisters, so why not let a Sister enter the Major Leagues of choir directing?
  • Talk covering the Word of Wisdom, specifically about eating meat sparingly
  • A single talk from a GA with a non-white shirt to really make a point about the Church's efforts to reach out to the Youth and be more inclusive, rather than all the speakers appearing like members of an Old English Country Club or a gathering of bank executives
  • A talk from a GA sporting a goatee, mustache, beard, or even sideburns as The Brethren realize that the 70's and Hippie movement are sufficiently behind us. We no longer need to feel threatened by facial hair.
  • A stern talk about online social networking addictions, with an example story of the potential heartbreak that this can lead to (reading Ward blogs is excluded). On-line porn addiction is becoming passé.
  • In the current state of economics with members out of work and trying to make ends-meet, expect a talk about the blessings associated with paying tithing
  • Announcement that the end is near, and that all Saints everywhere need to pack up and head to Missouri. Or, do we still believe this? It's been awhile since I've heard of this one being discussed, so maybe just an update on whether, or not, this is still expected to happen at some point would be nice.
  • A talk by one of the Three Nephites. One can dream...
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