New Year Resolutions

Since the calling of Bishop is such a public position in the Church, I thought I might as well make my New Year Resolutions open to all, just in case I need some reminders during the year.

Take at least one No-Doze before Sacrament meeting to reduce head-nodding caused by my deep pondering that takes place during the ever-fascinating talks by our members. In the past, some members have misinterpreted this deep pondering as sleeping

Equalize the budgets between the Young Men’s (including Scouts) and Young Women’s organizations

Refer to the leaders of all auxiliaries as, ‘President,’ including Primary, Sunday School and Relief Society, instead of just Elder’s Quorum. Hopefully this is okay with The Brethren, as it makes sense to me.

Stop referring to the non-LDS in our neighborhood as, ‘Them,’ ‘Those,’ ‘Gentiles,’ or, ‘non-members,’ and use their actual names

Keep the same Primary teacher for the Schumer twins’ class for more than a month

Refrain from using, ‘gives me the creeps’ when referring to any Ward member

Find a calling for Brother Hicks that does not involve personal interaction with any other Ward members (see previous resolution)

Reduce Sisters anti-depressant use in the Ward to under 40%

Reduce male teenage and adult porn addiction to under 70%

Shake hands before Church meetings without wearing surgical gloves and trust the Spirit to keep my hands clean of all horrific infectious diseases commonly spread by this behavior. Is it the Spirit that’s responsible for this, or Jesus? I’ll cover all my prayer-bases on this one.

Don’t let my immense popularity in the Ward and neighborhood go to my head

I was going to try and lose 20 lbs. in 2010, but I decided a life without steak, Coke and jello is not a life I want

Reduce the meeting block to two hours on Sunday. Why not shoot for the stars?

Read scriptures every day, say prayers, have FHE. (Had to throw those in!)