Ward Suggestion Box

It looks like the theme of this week's suggestion box entries is 'luxury accommodations' at the Ward building. I'm not sure about some of these, so we may have to put them to a vote in PEC meeting this Sunday. I'd put the items to the vote of the full Ward Council, but I'm fairly certain I already know which way the ladies would vote on most of the below items, and I'd like to skip any uncomfortable debates.

Install deer jerky dispensers in each hallway. Every season our Ward hunters harvest tons of deer and elk meat. What better way to encourage others to join in thinning the local deer population than sharing the blessed bounty of the hunts. The dispensers would be locked on F&T Sundays.

Install bidets in the bathrooms - experience that 'just-showered' freshness anytime at Church. Feeling a little sweaty down below from sitting in wool pants on a warm seat for two hours? Swing into the restroom for a quick under-carriage refresher!

Dark pull-down shades on the classroom windows. As a teacher I'm afraid the kids are having a hard time seeing media presentations in such a bright room. Note: I think that this may be just to enhance the 'meditation' by the teacher during these 'media presentations.' Been there, done that.

Add, as an addition to the perks for the Uber-Tithers, 'Magic Fingers' chair massagers that can be carried from room-to-room (by the non-full-tithers).

Blessings Shout-Out

It's time to catch up on some of the blessings that our faithful Ward members have experienced lately:

Brother Harvey - for the second year in a row was blessed with killing a beautiful, large elk in the fertile Wasatch Mountains. His wall is filling up faster than the refreshment line at an adult-singles dance.

The Anderson's are now able to fit their entire family of eleven into one vehicle. I didn't know they were still making the 'extended-full' vans, but there it was - truly a monument to being fruitful and multiplying.

Brother Neilson had the shingles this week. Not usually considered a blessing, but having it this particular week got him out of hitting up all his neighbors for money for "Friends of Scouting," eating burnt hot dogs and warm potato salad at the High Priest social, and the 7am Sunday Stake Leadership meetings. I'd place that squarely in the 'blessings,' category.

Sister Young was blessed last week with the hot, dry weather she'd been praying for. Unfortunately, it was at the expense of firefighters currently battling a dozen fires in the area caused by the dry weather. Please, Brothers and Sisters, think of the possible consequences when asking for divine weather intervention.

BYU vs. Florida State Prep

Well, I don't think there's been this much excitement among the Brethren of the Church since the announcement of polygamy. BYU may, once again, have a shot at a national football title. Watching ESPN the past two weekends has been surreal with all of the BYU-praising going on. They're even talking frequently of a potential Heisman trophy bid for Max Hall.

Of course, there are a dozen games left in the season, and painful past experience has certainly taught that the chances for BYU's success usually diminish relative to the overall buildup of expectations and hopes of the faithful.

Count me among the optimistic - at least until the first loss!

By Common Consent

Something hit me this past Sunday while standing in front of the congregation conducting business (and thankfully, it wasn't Billy Crugan throwing soggy Cheerios again). Is it just me, or does anyone else think that it's odd to ask for a raise of hands for a consenting vote of fellow Ward members? In my many, many years at Church, I've yet to witness one hand being raised publically in opposition to a calling. Would anyone really feel comfortable these days raising a hand against a fellow Ward member, other than the small children or members with Alzheimer's? I think most members are just glad it's not them receiving another calling.

At the center of this issue is a conflict between the core ideas of common consent and that of inspiration or revelation. The Church was founded on the idea of revelation, yet introduced common consent, where , "all things must be done in order, and by common consent in the church" (D&C 28:13), and "No person is to be ordained to any office in this church, where there is a regularly organized branch of the same, without the vote of that church" (D&C 20:65).

It seems that common consent has been basically dropped within the Church over the years. Meeting notes from early Church history show that dissenting votes were somewhat common, followed by public comment and discussion on the matter or person. Instead of the original purpose of actually asking for input into the decision, common consent has really been replaced by just a promise to sustain the leader's decisions. So, I'd propose it may be more appropriate to just ask for a raise of hands for those that are willing to support the person, and leave it at that, if that's the only culturally-acceptable result.

I think I'm going to float this one by The Brethren. Does anyone have the hotline number?

New Ward Callings

Look at who's about to receive untold blessings - mostly in the afterlife:

Marilyn Mathers - Ward Gossiper (might as well make it official)

Ron Studdard - Ward Parking Valet- another perk I thought of for the Uber-Tithers

Mark Landress - Ward Sports Updater - I decided that having one man listen to the big Sunday games, and provide some timely feedback, might motivate more men to stay the full three hours, instead of catching the Fall Football cold.

Shirley Dowen - Ward Boy Scout badge seamstress

Todd and Susan Templeton - Ward Obama supporters

Ward Calendar Update

Thursday, September 10th - Enrichment Night: "Making More From Less." Unlike the name suggests, it's not a lesson on the effects of overeating or alchemy, but rather some insightful strategies of running an efficient household.

Sunday, September 13th - Welcome back Elder Clemens! Yes, it's only been eight months since his farewell, but he's returning home for mental health issues. We want to make sure he receives a warm welcome and feels right at home with the 65% of our adult Ward members currently using anti-depression medication.

Tuesday, September 15th - Combined Youth Activity: "The Dangers of Pre-Marital Sex" If the normal Sunday School lessons hasn't scarred scared them enough, perhaps pictures of people suffering from genital herpes, the clap, crabs, and syphilis will. Snacks will be served.

Thursday, September 17th - Temple Night! Wahoo! Mark your calendars now for that one night a month you can feel good about being a cheap-skate. Root beer jello shooters and ice cream will be served afterwards at Brother and Sister Snyder's house.