Friday, June 26, 2009

Mormon Patron Saints

Having served a mission in a predominantly Catholic country, I came to find out that we LDS were missing out on one of the most popular aspects of that religion: Patron Saints. The variety of Patron Saints for Catholics number into the thousands, and can be found for any category - sore feet, Taxi drivers, butchers, etc.

Well, I thought it would be interesting to create of list of LDS pseudo-Patron Saints. Leave your ideas in the comments, and if they pass the qualifications, they'll be added to the official list that I'll be submitting to The Brethren.

  • Mitt Romney - Patron Saint of Mormon Republicans
  • Marie Osmond - Patron saint of the Arts
  • Thomas S. Monson - Patron Saint of Widows
  • LaVell Edwards and Steve Young - Patron Saints of LDS Sports
  • Emma Smith - Patron Saint of Stay at Home Moms and Community Organizers
  • Lorenzo Snow - Patron Saint of LDS ZZ Top fans
  • J. Golden Kimball - Patron Saint of Swearing
  • Porter Rockwell - Patron Saint of Bodyguards and people in the car towing business
  • Brigham Young - Patron Saint of Civil Engineers and Fundamental Polygamists
  • N. Eldon Tanner - Patron Saint of CPA's and Financial Managers
  • Eliza R. Snow - - Patron Saint of Veterinarians
  • BH Roberts and Thomas Stuart Ferguson - Patron Saint of Closet Doubters
  • Ezra T. Benson - - Patron Saint of ultra right-wing conspiracy buffs
  • Barbara Thompson, Patron Saint of Social Workers
  • Harry Reid, Patron Saint of closeted Democrats and moderate Republicans
  • Glen Beck - Patron Saint of the mentally challenged
  • Hyrum Smith - Patron Saint of Brotherhood and Loyalty
  • Joseph Smith - Patron Saint of Inspiration, and Indian Leg Wrestlers

    1. Barbara Thompson, Patron Saint of Social Workers

      Harry Reid, Patron Saint of closeted Democrats and moderate Republicans

    2. Dear Bishop,
      While I agree with almost all of your selections, I would like to suggest a subcategory for Steve Young. Under the heading of sports I think we need a Patron Saint for those of us who believe that watching football on Sunday is a righteous, family oriented activity. After all, he has demonstrated that you can skirt that whole “Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy” thing and not jeopardize your status in the church. It is my fervent testimony that if God didn’t want us watching football on Sunday he wouldn’t have organized the NFL. And… there wouldn’t have been that mysterious shortage of blue material in Dallas at the exact same time the Cowboy’s cheerleaders were shopping for costumes.

    3. Glen Beck - Patron Saint of the mentally challenged

    4. Elizabeth - Added to the list. Thanks!

      Dave - This could be a topic all to itself - why as LDS member who universally define a very narrow view of 'acceptable' Sunday activities seem to hold such 'reverence' to those who typically 'break' the Sabbath most regularly via professional sports, entertainment, etc.

      Glen Beck - Don't get me started...

    5. Gladys Knight- Patron Saint of Soul Music

      Sheri Dew- Patron Saint of Single Sisters/Deseret Book/Dynamic Speakers

      Ardeth Kapp- Patron Saint of Childless Mormon Women (And I mean that with the truest respect-she is seriously one of my heroes. Being "childless" and "Mormon" is almost an oxymoron!)

      Russell M. Nelson- Patron Saint of Heart Surgeons

      Dieter Uchtdorf- Patron Saint of Pilots

      Kirby Heybourne- Patron Saint of Mormon Cinema