From our Ward Blog Sponsor:Finding yourself unsure whether you just make bad decisions on your own, or if The Evil One (or one of his billions of minions) is actually present? Have an accident, and you're confused whether Lucifer may had his hand in it?
Well, wonder no more! This handy iPhone app will indicate the presence of any evil supernatural beings up to 25 feet. The app does get confused when used within the proximity of Ouija boards, decks of playing cards, stereo's playing The Rolling Stones and certain vampire books.
Know when it's the real-deal!
I went to Pete's Tavern Friday night and I completely expected to be leaving the spirit at the door, but it turns out Satan doesn't live in bars. Quite the contrary, I found several of my friends there instead! Will definitely be picking up one of these iPhones to help with any further confusion.
ReplyDeleteBishop,
ReplyDeleteI’ve been carrying a Satan-o-meter (of sorts) since I turned about thirteen. No, I didn’t have fancy i-phone with a nifty Satan-o-Meter application back in the 1980’s. In fact, when I was a teen, phones still had chords attached to them. The Satan-o-Mmeter I am referring to is also known as my male reproductive organ. Let me explain.
Sins of a sexual nature are among the most egregious that a temple-endowed Latter Day Saint can make. In fact, sins of a sexual nature rank #3 of the most abominable sins. We know this from Alma 39:5 when he addresses his son, Corianton, regarding an inappropriate relationship he had with a harlot named Isabel. Alma said: "Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?" Moreover, I assert that for most Latter Day Saints, sins of a sexual nature constitute the #1 threat to our ability to achieve celestial glory. I make this argument because I don’t believe that most Latter Day Saints have any problem with the #1 and #2 sins, denying the Holy Ghost and murder respectively.
Now, having established that sins of a sexual nature rank #1 MOST likely to impede the average Latter Day Saint’s ability to achieve celestial glory, what tools or “tool” can we use to know when we are about to fall victim to such sin? Yes, it is our reproductive organ. Both the male and female reproductive organ can be used as a Satan-o-Meter. Specifically, when you find yourself partaking in any activity (other than marital relations with your eternal partner) that causes an increase in blood flow to your reproductive organ, you can be certain that Satan is nigh and he is tempting you with sexual sin. When this happens, it is my suggestion that you immediately discontinue the activity causing the arousal.
Many of you that take this advice will realize that you can no longer watch Dancing with the Stars or look at the Victoria’s Secret ad that comes in the mail. You may also have to clear out some of the websites saved under your internet favorites.
M&M - Haven't been to Pete's, but if the Spirit is present...
ReplyDeleteMonomo - No more Dancing with the Stars? Don't let Sister Osmond catch wind of this advice!