Sins by Proxy: Lesson in Proxy Work for the Youth

I was speaking to the youth this past Sunday on the importance we Latter Day Saints place on proxy work for the dearly departed. As some of you may have noticed, there seemed to be an overall lack of interest by the youth - even by the three who weren't texting during the whole lesson. Fortunately, at the end of the lesson I was struck by the Spirit with a novel method of teaching the great gospel principle of proxy work: Sins by Proxy!

Here's the plan. For one week starting next Sunday, the youth can commit pre-approved sins via proxy, for-and-in-behalf-of someone that now abides in the green meadows of the netherworld. It's probably best to keep this in the family, so you can personally explain this proxy lesson to them after this life.

At the end of the Sin by Proxy week, we'll start the Repentance by Proxy week, where each youth can feel the liberating warmth of proxy forgiveness as they confess the sins that were committed in another's name and help remove the burden from that poor soul's shoulders. I'm hoping that this can also take up a few sacrament meetings with testimonials from the youth about how much they learned from the experience, like we do each year after Girl's Camp (but never after Scout Camp).

For those not completely comfortable with this learning opportunity, don't worry, we can also employ Sins by Proxy by proxy! Just let me know if you're not personally comfortable performing sins by proxy, and we'll have another youth step in for you to perform the proxy sins, and then report back to you on their experience.

I have a list of suggested Sins by Proxy that the youth may want to try out, but please feel free to add others. Please remember, all sins not listed below must be pre-approved before they are committed:

Lustful thoughts

Sins of omission - Here's the chance to skip Church after sacrament meeting, and have someone else take responsibility for it (might be combined with breaking the Sabbath for a twofer).

Lying (smaller, white lies preferred)

Skipping scripture reading for the entire week

Wearing two-piece bathing suits and sunbathing in front yard (Young Women only, please)

Getting a second earring hole - just remember to remove the additional earring after the week, or The Evil One might gain a foothold

Fornicating - just kidding!